The Objective

I thought that I was an exceptionally intelligent child.  My mother told me that I was late in learning how to talk, but that when it came it came in a rush--and she blamed an ear infection on my inability to hear clearly.

I fought and cried with my own desire to learn how to ride a bicycle for days.  Although my brother learned how to ride in one day and I took significantly longer I never doubted that I was intelligent.  

I excelled in classes with only a couple teachers treating me less than the exceptional student I saw in my self.  When I had my first academic difficulty as a senior in High School it was in an AP course.  I gave myself the benefit of the doubt because it was an AP class and because I was certain that the teacher was just a jerk.  I looked for any opportunity to sear his reputation to save mine in my own eyes, but wouldn't admit that it jarred my own sense of my intelligence.

I've had a few more knocks on my intelligence in the following years.  I acknowledge this to you, because I feel keenly afraid of exposing my hubris with what I am hoping to do in these posts.  I'm afraid of trying something that I believe requires a great deal of intelligence, and perhaps I will leave the task wanting.  

I intend to write about what matters most.  When discussing good things, or better, I would like to point to the best.  I have intentioned to write talks on noble topics for years and failed to follow through on those intentions. Jesus said in Luke 14: "For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?"

I do not propose to save souls with my words.  I intend to save my own and to work out my salvation by working out a thorough understanding of the doctrines of Christ.  I do believe that I have sufficient to finish that task--and keep this impersonal enough that others may find some of what I say useful.

There are others who were called without a chance to count the cost. I believe that some costs are innately within our reach.

Church Jobs

<p>I'm so grateful I don't have to sing at any church other than my own. I'm grateful for the spirit of raising my voice high in praise of my God by my own volition rather than a paycheck or any other need. <br>
(I've sung some wonderful music and met some wonderful people, mind you. I don't regret that at all.)

I'm grateful for a holy day set apart from the labors of this world. Perhaps I'm just exhausted by all the singing work of the season, but I do believe that there must be a sabbath. A practical and holy day set apart from the whims and wistful wants of everyday living.

5 Dec 2012-- Indian summer

1. 60 degrees in December is pretty glorious. Add that to sleeping in and I almost forgot that I had school today.
2. Public transit was perfect today. The timing was great for my plans. :)
3. My girlfriend received her answer that I'm a good pick for marriage because I will take care of her in every way necessary. What a comfort--how can I make that true?

Q: how do I track down my priesthood line of authority when my father doesn't enen know his own?
A:)

Q: )what is captivity, to me?
!)

17 November 2012

1. Who would have thought I could have access to this from anywhere in the world? I want to submit a gratitude journal as often as I can. And technology delivers an opportunity. God is good to give me these tools.

Insurance

This is a shout out to my parents for paying my insurance most of my life and to anyone else paying for it.  My father once told me that there are many people who spend over half of their income on medical bills.  It was an interesting thought but I never gave it much more than a moment.  ...Until yesterday.  I live in Massachusetts where health insurance is a must.  I've been scared of it for so long.  I finally signed up for it and received my first check with insurance already withdrawn from it.  Because of the timing, they withdrew for the whole month.  Because of a misunderstanding they had me filed wrong-paying 50% more than I needed to.  All in all, insurance added up to over a third and nearly half of my paycheck.  My medical bills were nearly to that "crazy" point and I hadn't yet entered a single doctor's door to pay a copayment.
Got it settled today, but I'll still be paying a significant portion of my check to it.  I just can't fathom it all...

chameleon

I've been on a ride for the past four months.  No, almost six.

Wow.  I moved to the East Coast six months ago....

In a lot of ways I feel a part of two worlds: and Old World and a New.  It's not my intention to get stuck on which is which.  I feel a clash of interests, values, and patterns of living that present a very stark shift.  I've spent six months here in an effort to find my place in the pattern.  I believe in standards that are different.  I hold a different set of interests--they're certainly ranked differently.  And yet I find, sometimes, that my shifts are a cause of concern and conflict.

Concern and conflict were never my strongest suits.

I feel, today, like I'm inconsistent.  I'm asking questions about what the core principles behind the values and standards are because I don't want to follow either one blindly.  "Tradition" is rarely an answer that I hold to well.  "Culture" is an answer that frustrates my sense of freedom.

I guess that I just keep looking for the answer, right?

I'm fasting today to know about some of the conflicting standards/expectations.  I want to find the commandments so that I may live the law.

This is on of the few times since my returning from my mission... Let's just say that I usually fast for the same things every month. (It seems like I have the same issue every month...)

It's time for that to change.  But the other questions remain.

...at least being like a chameleon isn't always being spineless, it can have some positive elements.

Tribute to a a saint. ;)

What is love?

Tacky on a day like today? Perhaps.  I just know that I feel so grateful in a way that I feel demands that I express it..  I feel like opportunities, and people in my life are all connected to that word.  Either God sent them to me as one more reminder of love, or people have chosen to spend that valuable commodity on someone like me. :)

I thank heaven--I thank Jesus Christ--for that.

I had a teacher, Newell Dayley, teach me something that I believe is so applicable to the doctrine of love/Charity.  In our collaborative class we were all weighted with the responsibility of producing quality music to the panel--ourselves.  The panel would then review and give suggestions on the material.  (A very sensitive process.)  If a person gave their all, they risked failing, succeeding, or falling short and being asked to give even more than they thought they could.

It could only be evaded by choosing not to give your all.

I don’t want to spell out the parallels. I’ll let you work that one out for yourself. :)  I’ll only offer the thought to look beyond interpersonal relationships (romantic and plutonic) to the eternal relationships (family and expiatory).

I love many people in my life.  I love many things.  But it all began with being loved.  There was no promise that I would return that love: this is the miracle of it being given.

Learning how to give freely, stretching ourselves to search for more, trusting that “all” is enough, is love in action.